My Loveless Lovelife

Forgive my crappy title. Yes, it sounded too desperate, but what the heck, this is my blog anyway, so spare me with your troll dramas. I don't need them for now.

I nearing 22, but I still proclaim myself as 17, and trust me, if I don myself in high school uniform and tell everyone I meet I'm 17, no one will raise an eyebrow.
Anyway, in four months, I'll be hitting 22. I'm no longer high school young, I'm young, yes, but older, yet I still think like a high schooler. But what the heck. Since highs chool I still lack what most people will tell you the most important thing you must have- lovelife.

Yes my dear ladies and gentlemen, I'm a pathetic anti-social homo sapiens living during my high school days as a single human being. A.k.a, loveless. But trust me, I have a fair share of crushes during the times I perking up with pheromone,but no normal human being will ever believe I drooled myself over those kind of guys.

Because I prefer non-realistic guys over real ones. For real.

I know I know it's not healthy. It's not socially healthy for a young lass like me, because it leads to future mental illnesses. But as far as I can see, I'm still inside the border of the concept of normalcy and therefore, I'm not that completely nuts. But yes I admit, I like the hunky bishonens peppering the anime world over those Starstudio actors my classmates are gaga over. Tsk. Tsk. Pathetic little me.

And I even believed they're the most perfect guys every girl should have. So I drone myself over posters and stickers that have their pictures of them. If normal girls got F4 posters, I have Li Shaoran and Kousuke Sagara beside my bed. I was happy everytime I see them on tv, wishing that I could be the girl they're always saving, or always at their side. I'm a fangirl, yes,and an anime fangirl for that matter.
And because of that I didn't took care of myself during those time I should be practicing to become a future woman. That's why until now, I'm still acting young. And that's why I still look young, because I deliberately stunted my growth into womanhood, for the sake of non-existent beings that doesn't even know me.

That's why I got kept myself single, and somehow I'm happy about it. Since I'm a dork, no guys courted me (good grief!), and if someone did, I'll run into a cliff and die. No not really, but shun him down and forget he ever existed (my bestfriend mentioned that someone I personally know went to their school service and was looking for me, but since my bestfriend is maldita and the hapless boy didn't passed to her standard as high as mine, she shut the guy away. hahah).

Even at college, I'm still the ultimate geeky anime girl. But during second semester, for the first time in my life, I got myself a bunch of lunatics like me(hahah, peace guys I love you really) that made me not that really different. They're unique, smart, happy-go-lucky, crazy, but great girls (and gays for the other two), and because of them, I started to come out of my cave and, I found that I am a human being that needs to have a social life. I may not have love life, I got myself a social life. And I'm still loving it. :D

But even if I got a barkada, I still don't have a partner, a.k.a boyfriend.
I will admit that I was kinda sad that I was never seen as more of a friend by my guy classmates, I mean what girl wouldn't like to be liked by the opposite sex (except for lesbians though)? I went through that phase, but I even though I'm nearing into adulthood, I'm not ready to become a woman. Even my best friends are telling me to wear this and that, wear make-up and act like a normal woman, there was even a point I undergone make-over just to justify their claim that I was "pretty" *gasp*, but I still spring back into that nerdy, geeky me.

But when third year came, someone approached me to have lunch with him. A lunch! I consider it the nearest possible thing a guy could do just to show he's interested in me. But the jerk didn't approached me the next day. I don't why, maybe because he found out how dorky and geeky I am, so he no longer talked to me. Tut oh well.
At least someone GOT interested to talk to me to have lunch.

And then graduation, then working phase. During these time that someone really got the guts (though not totally)to show his feelings for me. Mushy,yes. But for a jerk-ass like me, it's disgusting. Utterly, purely disgusting. he's lucky he's my friend because if he's some run-of-the-mill guy, he will feel the pain I could have inflicted on him because he acted like a jerk in front of me (technically he profess his love in the phone and it's one of my pet peeves; more of this soon), but for the sake of peace and friendship and goodwill, I resisted to become a bitch. I resisted the need to speak my mind because of his love *gagged myself*. And I resisted the force in me to act stupid.

For the sake of peace and friendship and goodwill, I will no longer delve into this short stint but explosive part of my loveless love life.

And there goes the short story of my loveless love life. My 22nd birthday will come, and somehow before or after it, I already have a partner I could lug with me at anime conventions. And someone who could stick with me for a long time.

Next post: The Ultimate Search for the Ultimate Boyfriend 2010: A comprehensive search for the right(?) candidate for this dateless, senseless, and nerdy gal.